I have moved....

I wanted everyone to know that I have transfered all of my health and fitness journey and information to "Audra's Journey to transformation" that can be found at http://www.fawnwoodfin.blogspot.com/ and that will be updated several times during the week. This blog will know become my own personal blog in which I write whatever. Thank you!

Chevy Chase Summer Vacation?

This weekend was supposed to be a great mini vaca and so relaxing, but instead turned into a hellacious nightmare! Sometimes I feel like I'm in a Chevy Chase movie, waiting for the director to say, "cut!" In his movies all he wants to do is relax and have a good time, but instead there is always chaos, and craziness-I so relate. I was happy that I stayed on target with my food though. It rained all weekend and ruined our chances of going to the beach so we were all bummed. She did have a treadmill so I was able to stay active all weekend. While we were there everyone wanted to go to a Mexican Restaurant, which is my down fall, but I told them I would try. We got there and after talking with the waiter she told me she was watching what she was eating as well and she said that she had some 100 percent whole wheat bagel chips in her purse and counted me out 12 if them bc that was the serving size. So now I could eat some salsa and chips! I ate slowly and enjoyed every bit. Then I looked at the menu and decided I would have to make a special order. So I asked for a salad with only lettuce and a serving of guacamole and put salsa on top of it and had a salad. It felt so good to stay on track with my plan and still be able to enjoy my salad and my time with family. I am extremely tired this morning bc I am having trouble staying asleep. I believe I have sleep apnea from being overweight, Regurdless please keep me in your thoughts and prayers because I have been sleep deprived for a couple of days now and I am so sluggish and tired. Have a great Monday!

TGIF

I am so excited today!
I got up for my walk this morning and went on my morning walk. I was sad bc I didnt have my mp3 player but I have so much to do before I leave to go out of town this afternoon that I just ran all my to-do's in my head and prayed as I walked. What a beautiful morning! The sky here in Alabama looked purty as ever! PREPARATION is key in your goals towards weight loss. All of us stay so busy so I have found that at night once the kids go to sleep I start planning for the next day. I get out veggies and fruit and cut them up and seperate them into plastic baggies. I set out anything that needs to be thawed and I make sure I have everything I need so there will not be a panic the next day. If I have to have something I just run to the store and get it so it will be ready. For those of you wandering no I would NOT leave the kids by themselves, they would have their daddy and nana there. I love going to the store late at night, there is hardly any one there so I dont have to worry about running into ppl I know and would rahter avoid with my situation being what it is. I feel that ppl are examining my food cart. It makes me feel so weird to talk to ppl who are thin and I feel so uncomfortable especially in the grocery store. They are for the most part very friendly I would just rather not engage in a conversation. I feel much better when I can go and it not matter I look a hot mess form a long eventful day with the kids. Of course I have been looking a real hot mess lately. My hair always up and sweating like a hog roasting on the fourth of july. Let me just say for those of you who are not blessed to live here in the deep south...it is hot, humid, and sticky. I don't mind the hot, it's the sticky and the high hunidity that bothers me, but oh well it's liveable-thank God for air conditioning!! so anyway going back to preperation-it is VITAL to your success. I am going out of town this afternoon for the weekend to Mobile to see my husbands family. They have not seen the kids in 2 years so we are going dowm there. travis' aunt and cousin have monogram machines and they make clothes so I am hoping they have some treats for me! I am geting some clothes from his cousin for Hannah and taking my kids to the beach for the first time! I hope they love it. I know me and my mother in law will! I haven't been to the beach in years! I didn't want to go and look like a whale that got washed up on the beach. It is NOT fun going to the beach as a big girl..you see all these beautiful women with beautiful bodies in beautiful swim suits and you look at yourself in your big t-shirt and stretchy pant capris with a weggie you need to dig out from bending down and playing with the kiddos and you think God, please don't let my children draw any attention over here. So you wear sunglasses and a hat to kind of "hide" yourself from ppl. I mean I am not trying to be hard on myself YOU KNOW how ppl are especially at the beach-I am not being paranoid! They are always making dun of fat ppl-all the time. So that is why I am deathly afraid of going there this weekend but I am doing it for the kids. So I have packed a cooler with water and fruit and veggies and turkey wraps and am eating like normal today and we are going to the grocery store when we get there to get our dinner and Saturdays food and Sunday. I want to be ready for anything. I hope that you all have a wonderful friday!

Thursday

Good Morning to everyone!
I woke up this morning and was ready to get my walk on! I love my mp3 player because I feel that it helps me to keep going. I downloaded some songs from exercisemusic.com and I love hearing the beats and trying to match my walking with the beats of the music corny-I know. I am so sad though, becuase as I was almost done with my walk it somehow fell and out of my pocket and now it is broke!! I am now sitting here sippin in my water and fixing to decide what I am going to eat for breakfast....Hmmm I think I will go with the oatmeal and berries and a piece of toast. There is nothing like some healthy carbs and some warm oatmeal after a workout. Have you ever noticed the difference you feel when you start to eat healthy and your body likes it? It is kind of like your body is saying,"thank-you" and for that let me take some of this fat from you. It is a win-win. Is it easy to give up on the foods you used to always eat NO as a matter of fact I would LOVE a butterfinger. But, I know that if I eat it, I will feel terrible physically and mentally. The taste is only for a second and then what? you ate that sugar infested fat bar and then you will start to feel bad about yourself for eating it. It just is not worth it. I used to think I could not make it through the day without a coke, but I have and after you research the damaging effects that drinking soda and even diet soda have on your body, you will quickly learn to love your water even more. I squeeze lemon into my water and I love lemons. The smell, the taste, which is a good thing bc lemons cleanse and they are good fo your liver. Your liver is so important and taking care of that will help you towards your weight loss goals. FYI: If you are going to try to run, make sure you have comfortable shoes. I might need to go get some inserts today bc my feet are killing me. I hop this day finds you well and blessed. Take care

Hump day

I LOVE Wednesdays-I always have. Ever since I was a little girl I looked forward to going to church on wednesdays. I started out my amazing morning with my cardio..You would think that I would find it a little easier to do the treadmill today but nope...I almost couldn't get the inclines done today my calves-sp? felt so sore that wach step I took- I could feel the stretch and pull. My energy levels today were a little drained but I think that is from being up half the night with my kids trying to sleep in the bed with me and tossing and turning. I have noticed how the healthy carbs do give you a little boost if eaten about 30-40 minutes before a workout. I also notice that when I add green leafy veggies to a meal it seems to perk me up a bit. I have to admit that now, I love my home-ade peanut butter and I want to eat in on EVERYTHING, but I can't. I have to make it at least one of my snacks a day! I have seemed to notice that apples seem to also give a little energy as well. The more fruits, grains, beans and veggies I have the less I crave the junk. I do not find myself feeling starved or deprived at all but I credit that to the diet being balanced and the WATER! I am fixing to go on my walk and I can't wait-hopefully it will wind me down and I can get some much needed rest! Healthy and Prosperity to you...MUAH

SUNDAY FUNDAY

What is in store for us today? Well I got up and went for a run, which actually felt really good. I need to find one of those jogging strollers maybe at a yeard sale or something so I can take Hannah in the afternoons. I love Sundays! I am going to relax and cuddle up with the kiddos on the couch and make it a movie day! Take the time to thank God for all you have and to be greatful for the people in your life! Tonight I will go on a another walk so I want to encourage you if you have been wanting to get out and do it-do it. Find someone to walk with and go for it. I wish everyone a great Sunday and may you be blessed.

Friday 8-20

Hey yall! This morning started out a little rough as I HATE the bike. It to me is the hardest. It was really bad because I am hurting from chafing. I mean can I big girl get a break? My thighs rubbed togehter until they are so sore and rubbed raw. I will NEVER wear panties to work out in again!! That is terrible when you have to stop working out and go to the bathroom to see what the deal is. The sweat mixed with the friction of the movement makes for a bad outcome. I found out there is something called a chaf stick and I bought one of those. I also had to get some compression shorts and I think those together will work, it just to hard to tell right now bc I am already hurt. So while I was riding the bike I had put band-aids in where I was hurt and they keep trying to come off while I was cycling. It was embarassing having to stop try to re adjust and trying to be discreet. On a more comical note to you, it is hard for a big guh to see her sores when your stomach is in the way. So I know that I must have looked a hot mess in trying to look and see where I needed to put that neosporin and band aids and I am so glad that my husband didn't walk in to see me like that. Thank you to all who support me. Peace

Thursday 8-19

Ok let me start off by saying that yesturdays workout made me want to go to the spa and hide there for days to get pampered! I could barely get through my routine, I did it but I thought I was going to fall over! It felt like someone had tied weights to my legs and I was making them move, but it took everything I had to get done. Then I went in the sauna and sat in there for about 10 minutes...I know it;s crazy hot this summer and I don't need a sauna bc all I have to do is go outside and start pouring, but it feels good and sweating is how some toxins exit the body. Then later I went swimming and swam laps. Tonights walk felt really good when I was done. Peace to all

Oh man! These past two days the cardio has been kicking my butt. I struggled yesturday to the point I had to lower the incline on the treadmill and I was just so tired and my legs felt like I had weights on the bottom of them. The walk I had that night felt really good though and I was tired but it was a good tired. I did not sleep good last night. I am experiencing things that had been making me anxious and it really affected me last night, that is what I get for not giving it to God like I needed to. I struggled through todays workout BUT I did it and then I had to go get some boxes and tape to start packing up what we are putting up in storage. So many thoughts are running through my mind like how did we get to this point and where do I go from here and why is it that I always seem to get myself in situations to where my emotions are out of control? Maybe my hormones are raging because my body thinks I am supposed to be pregnant..don't know. What I do know is that I have changed since alot of people have seen me. I am not the same person that I used to be and I hate it when people bring up your past and they say things like, well remember when you said that...or you did do...I know we have all done and said things we regret and wish we never did, so why can't people leave those things alone? Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if all these things weren't going on at the same time or didn't bring up so many emotions that I stuffed down along time ago. Lately I have been feeling like the little girl who got dressed up and tried to get her dad's attention by twirling in her dress so maybe she could get some affection or attention. But the attention she gets is being told to sit down and don't get your clothes dirty, not what she wanted-the desperate affection she was wanting and waiting for. The simple words of you look pretty today or I love you. Maybe looking for the words you mean everything to me or I want you to know how special you are. So she feels shameful and embarrased that maybe she was not deserving and maybe there is something wrong with her but she don't deal with it because the pain is too much to bear so she just stuffs it down deep inside to that place in her heart that no one sees. Eventually that approval that she was so desperate to seek turns into resentment and bitterness and she still keeps stuffing those feelings deep down. She gets older and she starts dating, she falls for someone and she is so young and immature that she says things in the relationship and destroy any chances of even being friends with them, then she again feels shameful and lonely so once again she just keeps stuffing it down. She makes bad choice after bad choice and she dates any guy that will tell her he cares for her or loves her only to find herself giving her purity away to someone who couldn't possibly know the meaning of love, let alone demonstrate it to her and she is left alone, used and forgotten-those feelings get buried below all the others. She begins to really not care about herrself and she don't even care about what happens to her and all the sudden the choices she makes begin to not even effect her anymore. She goes from one bad relationship to another seeking and hoping to find what she's been looking for. She ends up getting married and having children. She is happy and feels blessed and she starts to feel again and things start to look up. Then after many disappointments she gives up, she comes to the realization that there HAS to be something wrong with her! She stuffs all that deep inside and she goes to church and she gets involved and because of her being hurt, she lashes out at people and she gossips and she says things she really don't mean-but she is so miserable and she really didn;t mean to hurt anybody, but she did. So she feels ashamed and so frusterated-how could she let herrself behave that way and say those things, so she begins to question who she is. THEN she really starts searching for God and she begins to allow Him in her heart and let Him guide and direct her. Finally there is someone who understands her pain, who gets her hurts and who has been there through it all. He lets her know that He has approved of her since the beginning and all He wants is a relationship with her. He wants to let her know that He wants to heal the places in her heart where all the buried junk is. He wants to mend the broken pieces and shape them into something beautiful. He waits on her and can't wait to hear what she has to say and loves for her to talk and sing to Him. He tells her that she is worthy and valuable and that He loves her more than she can imagine. He tells her to forgive and to love and to dance and to sing and do it unto Him. Finally I can be me! He cares to know the real me and he desires for me to be with Him. So this little girl has found her approval and is taking the time to sit in her daddy's lap and let him rock her to sleep and let Him take me by the hand and work on the issues we have to work on to be on the way to where I need to be. There comes a time when you just have to let it all go and give it to your daddy. He wants to heal you and make you whole. So if you are reading this and you are hurting I urge you to give it to Him-He is eagerly waiting on you....I love you all thank you for letting me share my heart.

Lonely

Hey yall!
So as of yesturday I have officially lost 11 pounds! I am completely blown away by the love and support that I have been getting, it is amazing. In a sense almost feels too good to be true. I knew that people cared about me before, but I guess in a sense I have been so numb emotionally that it is so hard to let people in. I know that right now I am so open and exposed for everyone to see and quite vulnerable, it makes me a little nervous, but I am trusting God. I have been praying for divine connections and for me to be connected with the people that God would have me to be connected to for this season in my life, it is just so hard to trust. For some reason I COMPLETELY trust my coach, otherwise I would have never started this with her. She is one of those people that you see right through-she is pure and genuine and has the biggest heart of gold.She is a modern day "Mother Teresa" I know I can completely trust her and she won't let me down. I trust Mel becuase of the same reasons, pure, genuine and good hearted-love it! Pretty much other than that I am working on tearing this wall down that I have built up. My heart wants to believe that people care and love me but my brain is like "no-you know what happens every time" Letting your guard down is so hard. My heart is so fragile and while I have given God all the broken pieces to be put back together,but I know it will take a while. My heart hurts so bad, it is an aweful feeling when people that are supposed to be close to you-don't believe in you. When you have been put down so many times and talked about. When people say that you used to be pretty-it hurt so bad. I have had "friends" talk about my weight to other people and I never told them that I knew or how it felt but it was terrible. I completely withdrew myself from them emotionally and don't really talk to them anymore. It made me feel like I am a nobody or nothing and that I wan't valuable to other people while I was fat, that is how they made me feel.Until I reached out to Fawn, I honestly felt alone and like nobody was here for me. I do not have a "bff" or anybody that is really close to me that sees the real me, bc I am afraid they would take and kill whatever was left. I love my husband, but emotionally I am a mess from our relationship. I have just never felt more alone, and dark until Fawn came into my life again. I have been giving Jesus all of me and He is working on me, especially with the trust. Mentally the past two weeks I am feeling better about going out in public-not a whole lot but the fact that I know I am working out and changing makes me hold my head up a little higher. I feel accomplished and I don't mind parking further away from the school to walk him in. I don't run out of breath anymore coming back to the car! I still have a problem with speaking to men and most women. Men are a real struggle for me, while women are more hateful and cut-throat, men make me nervous. I hate the media for that. They are always talking about celebrities that have gained 5lbs and taking pictures calling them fat and pointing out thier flaws, and trying to put these "idealistic" views of how women should look and I hate that! I have already told yall that I have tried all those diets and weight loss pills, but this time I am doing the real, natural way, which is eating a portioned, balanced diet, and exercise. In the past I would try. but quit when something came up or I just didn't think I could do it. What a big difference the support has made! When you have people behind you rooting for you and telling you can do it and they are proud-it makes you feel proud and unstoppable! I know I won't quit this time! Knowing you have peole watching you and counting on you can really keep a girl from messing up. I HAVE to do this-it's not an option. If I don't I would look like a horses butt and I would disappoint alot of people. Not to mention how embarassing it would be-since half of Prattville knows what I am doing!! I will do it though-and THANK YOU to all of you that support me. I REALLY appreciate you and LOVE you so much! If it wasn't for you, I probably would have quit by now or at least not done as good. I still am wearing my stretch pants-so I have not really noticed a difference in my clothes. I have grown to love my stretch pants bc that is pretty much what I have worn the past 4 years! When I start really packing the pounds off I am going to just borrow whatever size I am in from somebody until I reach my goal. Then my mom said she would buy me some clothes! FYI I used to always go to VS to get their bras and panties when they had sales or what not-they don't carry big guh sizes and no nursing bras-I guess they don't consider that sexy. Another disadvantage of being big is not being able to find a comfy bra to hold those huge suckers up-I hate shopping for a bra. It is terrible, they are all uncomfortbale you get discouraged and you want to go eat a pizza afterwards!! Not anymore though. So even when I do get to my goal weight and I have the money to spend I will not go to that store! I had a fun Sunday Funday yesturday I took the kids swimming and we relaxed all day. Sundays are great-they are supposed to be days of rest and relaxation and to reflect on the past week and prepare for the next one. I hope you all have a great day. I will upodate my fitness for today later this afternoon! love ya

I know that you are for me!

What got me here? D-E-N-I-A-L! Denial is what got me to 270 pounds and size 22 britches. I needed a wake up call; I needed someone to rattle me for me to realize that just because I chose to bury my emotions with food they would still there-unresolved, and more complicated because of the effects of the emotional eating on top of everything else. Festering emotions and stress due to unresolved conflict are often the root of weight issues. It is sad, but the food acts as a temporary buffer between you and your emotions. It numbs the feelings.I have always had this emotion dependancy on food, even as a child-it just didn't effect my weight until my senior year Whether the emotions still exist or not once you've grown up, the habits of emotional eating remain. So it is learning how to break the cycle and focusing in your mindset. It's about renewing your mind with what God says about you. He said I am fearfully and wonderfully made and He loves me and has a plan and a purpose for me and knew me before I was in my mother's womb! If he cares so much about the flowers and the animals-how much more is his love for us! I love the song by Kari Jobe-I know that you are for me. It is amazing-and so true. Listen to it and you will see. I will be back later to blog about my fitness....Later A

Woke up this morning to barking dogs and couldn't go back to sleep, so I went on ahead to go for a walk. I have already mapped out the neighborhood with the car so I would know how far I had gone, and today I went 3 miles.It was difficult and the way I mapped it out I have to climb uphill twice and honestly I didn't know if I would make it today, but I had to. It was either sit there or walk back home. The hill was so hard for me, my thighs were burning and tightening and I had to just keep telling myself that I will feel great when I actually get done. It makes it a little easier to workout when I use my mp3 player. I downloaded upbeat workout music on there and for some reason the music helps. Today my am workout will be the treadmill 1 minute incline then 1 minute recovery and keep doing that for about asn hour. FYI:the warmup and the cooldowns are important and are vital to making sure you have an effective workout. I also have been making sure to stretch before AND after. I also make sure to take my 64oz. water bottle and drink plenty while I workout. It really helps alot. I can tell a difference. It is nice to workout at the y becuase you can watch tv and it makes it easier to let the time fly while you're ]watching t.v. This morning I had
¾ cup of oatmeal made with water (Quaker raw oats)
½ cup of berries
1 tbsp ground flax seeds 80
1 whole egg + 1 egg white

Calories = 360
This breakfast seems to perk me up a little bit. I donlt know if it's because of the egg and the oatmeal mixed together or not but I am all for it. I also find it very helpful to eat before I do the am workout about 45 minutes to an hr before I go. Then about an hour after my workout I eat a snack and I think I can feel a difference in my body as far as the way I feel for the rest of the day. The more you workout and eat the right foods at the right time and stay hydrated the better your days feel-you will be tired from your workouts but its a GOOD tired. I also love lemon and have been squeezing it in my water without stevia and it gives it a fresh taste. I am trying to not use any table salt an instead I am using spices and lemons and limes and herbs to flavor my food. Another helpful hint: Green leafy vegetables are extremely low in calories and are RICH in vitamins and mineral and that is a plus! Some fruits and vegetables low calorie content make them easy to put in your diet and easier to lose weight. I know it's friday and everybody will be going out-so have fun and be careful out there. Drive safe-and remember if you choose to drink, do not drive! I wish everybody a great weekend!

Bike Workout

So this morning I was so wore out. I did not get a full nights sleep and I walked 3 miles early this morning. Then later I got my bike on! This is what I am doing on the bike for my workout. I start with 5 minutes on easy at about level 2 then I go 2 minutes on level 4 and 3 minutes on level 5 so then I do:
10 seconds hard
60 seconds recover
15 seconds hard
60 seconds recover
20 seconds hard
60 seconds recover
20 seconds hard

and then I do 15 minutes on about 3.
Today in the beginnig I couldn't do it at 4 for 3 minutes...I had to do it at 2 and 3. I think its from feeling bad yesturday but to make up for it it is going to be a walk-run combo tonight...pray for me please!

Peace, Audra

live and learn and don't buy spanx!

oK I am juat wandering what in the world was I thinking when I bought some Spanx from Lane Bryant. I bought them a couple months back to wear for interviews and church. Good lawd, I put them on today but me and the spanx were fighting. Ok first of all they DO NOT work I mean I am no idiot i didn't expext them to make me look skinny when I bought them, but good grief just being able to zip my pants would have been nice and I would have been hitting the mark. Second they are not worth the trouble! It is worse than when you are trying to fit in a pair of pants and you lay on the bed squirming around like a fish out of water tring to squeeze them on, I mean seriously, by the time I got the dang things on this morning I was exhausted! So my advise is do not buy them, dang marketing companies I am sure you sit back enjoying your profits and getting your jollies from making fat girls look silly. OK so now that I am done with my rant on that...yesturday I felt like poo and was sickly so I didn't eat I just drank water all day and I had NO ENERGY-bummer. Today is a new day and I am sure the energy will return! I did go for a 3 mile walk EARLY this morning, but I have to step it up and I will be doing my bike workout later in the morning and tonight I think instead of doing a 45 minute fast walk I will attempt to go an hour and 15 minutes! I will definately let you know what I did and how it went.In my quiet time this morning I was reading about Peter and Jesus when Jesus walked on water. As he was approaching the boat where the disciples were, they were asking what is that and then they realized it was Him. Peter asked him Lord if it's really you tell me to come out on the water. SO Jesus told Him to come and he was walking on water UNTIL he took his focus off JEsus and paid attention to the wind blowing. That is so true for us today! Satans plans are to bring distrations to take our focus off of Jesus and onto our problems. Stand up and speak to your storm-Tell your storm who your God is! Stay focused on Him. Love you all, Audra

Count your blessings name them one by one

Hey everyone!
I hope this blog finds you all doing well.

It is so easy to get caught up in the frusterations of every day life like when kids are fighting, complaining, and whining. They won't be quiet and still in the grocery cart and they are talking too loud in public. You look at the long list of things to do and homework that that was due yesturday-and get overwhelmed! Thats why your quiet time with God is so important. You have to take that time to re-connect and re-focus and reflect. It is good to buy a journal or create your own private blog to track your thoughts and record what all God has done for you and the prayers He has answered. I spent time in mine and I need this reminder, to come and see what God has done; to take notes on His goodness to me. I am so forgetful. I want to remember more than I forget. To record what He has done before I move on and leave the past in the past, as I am able to do. I dont want to be like a spoiled child that says "what have you done for me lately?" I want to be the kind of child who is thankful for eveything and praise even when I feel like crying. It is good to stop and remember instead of rushing into my list of needs. I have some hard times ahead. My husband has been out of work for 8 months now because of the decline of the economy and it is forcing us to move and move in with my parents. I am no thrilled about it, but instead of whining and complaining I am choosing to be greatful! I am thankful that not only do I have parents that live on the same city I do but they are willing to let us move in. You can always find the positive in a negative situation. I thank God for the job he is going to provide and for being so gracious to my family. Thank God that as believers we don't rely on the worlds economy but rather on God's economy. He is my Jehovah Jireh(my provider)and with Him I can do everything. My morning workout was on the elliptical 45 minutes. PM-1 hr. fast walk

Thank you to all of you that support me-I really appreciate you!

One week down!

Ok yall, I just finished my first week and I have to say it was interesting to say the least! One of my morning workouts was on the bike, I must have looked a hot mess because this woman asked me if I was okay, and I said yep, she was like "are you sure?" I reassured her I was fine and she kept telling me it was okay and I could stop. That is when I informed her "Oh no mam, I can't" besides you don't know my coach! I have noticed a bit of difference in my energy levels. I am able to clean and do tasks around the house longer without takong as many breaks and I can walk further and longer! So that right there alone is worth the hard work. As I mentioned previously this journey is also about healing emotionally and spiritually as well. So I am keeping myself pretty busy. Caden starts school tommorow and Micah will start preschool next week. I start Fall Semester at Troy tommorow and I am officially a junior now! Woo hoo! If you are wanting to see how much weight I lost this week, you can find it on on Fawn's Page!

It's all about the climb! Day 7

Sometimes when you are down and out it gets so easy to get caught up in being negative. Being negative is damaging it changes and alters your attitude, your feelings and your sense of well being. There is something about being miserable that makes a person do and say things and act in ways they shouldn't and later wish they could take back. You know the old saying "misery" loves company." Negative influences and negative people have got to leave your life. There is no way to succeed if you surround yourself around negative people. I know, because before I became really serious about turning my life around, I would get in these deep, dark moods of depression and I was hurting so bad that I would say and do whatever I wanted and didn't care what anybody thought. Then guilt and condemnation would haunt me and torment me to make me feel even worse than I did before.It is an ugly cycle that we can get caught up in. I was not always like that and these moods didn't normally last long, but when they came they were as destructive as a tornado. First, let me say that PRAISE GOD there is no condemnation for those that are in Christ Jesus! His blood covers our sins and our transgressions. All we have to do is come to him with sincere remorse and ask him for forgiveness and He forgives us and "remembers our sins no more" The Word says they are moved as far as the east is form the west. What a loving and compassionate God we serve! Our daddy want us to be whole and wants us to succeed! So if you are spending time and surrounding yourself around people who are negative then you need to quit hanging out with them. It is a must if you want to change your life. You will eventually become like the people you hang out with. So I have chosen to be around positive people who love life and want to make a difference. People who want to be world changers and help others to fullfill thier hopes and dreams. I now believe that "try" is not a word for me anymore. Try to me now means "I'll see about it." So now its either you do it or you don't do it, and if you choose to do it and you mess up-you pick yourself back up, dust yourself off and do it again and again and again until you succeed. We need to learn to let go of the past, the past IS the past, and it needs to be left there, can't change it, let's learn from it and move on! We waste so much time regretting the past and worrying about the future. The future is not here yet, it's what happens in the NOW that will determine your future. It's NOW that makes the difference. If I want to lose weight and be healty, I have to make choices today-in the NOW that later will produce the healthy me in the FUTURE. The future is just a consequence of all the choices we make in the NOW. We can change NOW, we can change our way of thinking NOW. I have spent way too much time focusing on the "future me" instead of focusing on the NOW me. It's all about the journey and the climb there. Can I do it? Yes I can, one choice and one day at a time. You have got to have good support and you have got to be dtermined and motivated. Keep the Faith! Love you guys, Audra

Eats:
Breakfast:1 piece whole wheat toast
1 tbsp peanut butter (not heaping spoonful, exact tablespoon)
3/4 cup of strawberries
3 egg whites
Calories= 315


Snack:¾ cup Non Fat Cottage Cheese 120
½ cup pineapple (fresh not canned) 40
8 almonds 56
Calories=216


Lunch:Chicken Salad Sandwich/wrap
4 oz chopped grilled chicken 150
2 teaspoons mustard 10
8 almonds chopped 56
Celery
1 small tomato 20
1 piece whole wheat bread or whole wheat wrap 120
1 small piece of fruit or ½ banana 50
Calories=406


Snack:1 cup of fat free milk 90
1 piece whole wheat toast 100
½ tbsp peanut butter 50
Calories=240


Dinner:Spaghetti
¾ cup whole wheat noodles (cooked) 130
½ cup spaghetti sauce 40
4 oz leanest ground beef or 4oz lean ground turkey or 4oz chicken 150
1 cup green beans (no butter) 44
1 tsp Olive Oil 40
Calories=404


Snack:Smoothie
1 cup frozen berries 80
1 cup fat free milk 90
2 tbsp flax seed 70
Calories=240

Today was Sunday Funday and we went swimming and tonight we are going for a short walk.

Insanity Day 6

You know I was thinking about the meaning of Insanity-"to cointinue doing what you have been doing and expecting different results." You can not expect to put in just a little bit of work or just a little bit of effort and expect BIG changes. No it's going to take hard work, determination, motivation, encouragement, and one heck of a will. Losing weight is not generally easy for anybody that is overweight, if it was easy, none of us would be big! I don't think the almost do-able parts will last long because as soon as your body gets used to you being active you will begin to enjoy it. The treadmill made me feel like my legs were gonna rip off from my body, but I made it. I have to remember that "nothing taste as good as being thin feels" and that it's not that I can never have some of those things that I have loved but eventually I can put a little bit of those things back in my diet. It's about moderation, portion control, and self control. Its learning to tell yourself no, and bringing balance to your life. Nothing worth having in this life comes easy! It's hard and Jesus never promised us it would be easy, He promised us he would never leave us! What you eat is so important, because you can do hard workouts and still not lose weight if you are not eating healthy, balanced meals. It's about living and learning, and Fawn has made me see that it's not so much about the destination as it is embracing and enjoying and living the journey. The journey is where I learn and where I am changing, it's where the beauty is. I have added the song that is most relevant to my life right now."My defenses hit the ground and they shatter all around-so open and exposed. But I have strength in this struggle, Im coming face-to-face with my troubles, When you're broken in a million little pieces and you're trying but you can't hold on anymore. Evey tear falls down for a reason, Don;t you stop believing in yourself-when you're broken! Hitting Walls and making scars only makes you who you are. There is beauty in the breaking."

My eats for today were:
Breakfast:
¾ cup oatmeal Quaker raw oats
1 tbsp flaxseeds in oatmeal
2 pc. Turkey bacon
½ banana or med apple
Calories= 300


Snack:1 cup Nonfat/NO SUGAR Greek Yogurt 120
½ tbsp Peanut Butter 50
½ banana 50
Calories=220


Lunch:Grilled Chicken Salad
1 cup spinach 30
1 small tomato 20
¾ cup of rice or black beans 150
4 oz grilled chicken 150
1 teaspoon olive oil 50
1 tbsp Balsamic vinegar 30
Calories=430


Snack:½ Can of Tuna in Water 60
Spinach
Tomato slices
2 tsp mustard 10
1 piece whole wheat toast 120
Calories=220


Dinner:
Burger (no bun) with Sweet Pot Fries
4 oz lean ground turkey patty or lean ground beef patty 150
Mustard 10
Spinach 10
Small tomato 20
5 oz sweet potato or 5 oz sweet potato fries (bake with ½ teaspoon olive oil drizzled on and peeled) 170
1 cup green beans 50
Calories=410


Snack: Larabar

Workout:
AM- 45-60 min Easy Pace on Treadmill PM- 45 min. fast walk

Day 5

It's Friday Baby!

Today was an emotional day! I got my feelings hurt today and for a couple minutes thought I was ready to give up, I was upset and just wanted to go eat. But after I vented to the camcorder I calmed down and came back to my senses. This is the first time ever that I didn't chase my emotions down with food! Thank God for the camera and to some wonderful people supporting and backing me. If not for Mel and Fawn and their faith and belief in me, I probably would havbe given up today. It does my soul good to know that there are people who genuinally, really care about me and care about what happens to me. It is thier encouragement that keeps me going. I refuse to give up on myself and I know that now people are counting on me and I can't let them down. So yeah Caden had his meet the teacher today and when the other parents started coming in there I just wanted to hide under one of those tables. There were some moms in their that were pretty and thin and I felt like I didn't even want to look at them and I didn't want to draw attention to myself. Then it dawned on me, maybe thats why my child is so shy, maybe its because if me. Maybe he watches the way I am around people and it has just mimiced my behavior! Oh no! So anyway I also have some decisions to make that are difficult and I just want to get me and my kids to a day when there is peace and love and stillness. I realize now that people in America are addicted to food like alcholics are addicted to alcohol, and druggie is addicted to drugs. It is a real struggle, it an epidemic and it's killing people. When I lay down at night I feel how hard my heart is pumping and working to do it job and it scares me. If you really knew me you would now that I have to do this, because I beleive it's about life and death and its all about quality of life. If I don't do this i would be cheating my children and cheating myself, and cheating all the people God has lined up for me to minister to and help. I also value the relationship I have developed with Fawn and never want to hurt her. So I made it through 5 days! Thank you Jesus! Anyway this is what was on my mind today. So what did I eat and what did I do:

Breakfast:¾ cup of oatmeal made with water (Quaker raw oats)
½ cup of berries
1 tbsp ground flax seeds 80
1 whole egg + 1 egg white

Calories = 360


Snack:Smoothie
1 cup fat free/no sugar greek yogurt (get this at whole foods) 120
1/2 cup frozen berries 40
8 almonds 56
½ cup fat free milk 45
Calories=260


Lunch:Turkey Wrap
Whole Wheat Tortilla- 120 calorie wrap or less
4oz turkey breast lunchmeat (low sodium if can) 120
2 teaspoons mustard 10
1/2 cup spinach 20
Tomato 15
1/4 of an avocado 55
Small apple 50
Calories=400

Snack:1 cup of fat free milk 90
1 piece whole wheat toast 100
½ tbsp peanut butter 50
Calories=240


Dinner:Ground Turkey or Ground Beef Scramble
4 oz lean ground turkey or lean ground beef 120
½ cup peppers sautéed in 1 teaspoon olive oil 70
¾ cup rice 150
1/6 avocado 40
1 small tomato 20
Calories=400

Snack:Larabar

Workout:AM-(35min) 5 min. warm up then 1 on and 1 off/ 1 min. steep incline walk followed by 1 min. recovery walk
PM- 30 min fast walk

Day 4

Hey yall!
I know I blogged yesturday but I left out my meal plan and fitness, so here goes
Breakfast:
1 egg 1 egg white 90
½ cup of spinach 20
½ cup bell peppers 20
½ cup of brown rice 100
1 teaspoon Olive Oil-40
Small apple-50
Calories= 320

Snack:Larabar

Lunch:
Peanut Butter/Banana Sandwich and Salad
2 tbsp peanut butter or 2 tbsp almond butter 200
½ banana 50
1 piece of whole wheat toast 120
1 cup spinach 30
1 small tomato 20
1 tbsp Balsamic Vinegar 15
Calories=430


Snack:¾ Cup Cottage Cheese (Nonfat) 120
½ cup of berries or 1 small peach 50
½ tbsp almond butter or 8 almonds 56
Calories= 226

Dinner:Chicken Stir Fry
1 cup stir fry veggie medley (should have broccoli, water chestnuts, peppers etc) 40
4oz chicken 150
½ cup mushrooms 25
1 teaspoons olive oil 50
¾ cup brown rice or quinoa 150
Calories=415


Snack:2 Boiled Eggs- 160
2 rice cakes-plain or small piece of fruit or mini whole wheat bagel around 70 calories
Calories=230

Workout:AM-on elliptical 45-60 min Easy Pace PM- 45 min. fast walk